The Most Important Question You Can Ask When Networking

Short and sweet, just how I like it. Or long and meaty works too.

I think this approach seems a little pretentious. I mean I think it assumes that you think you can help the person you are talking to. I am not sure if many people would mind this but I am certain that some people, who may have been more responsive via a different initial approach, will be turned off. That said, I do not have anything better to offer.

Mark - that's an interesting comment. Not what I was expecting, but I'm glad to get the discussion going!

I don't think of it as pretentious at all - we can all help everyone else with something. It might be a contact, it might be an idea, it might be something completely unexpected.

Or maybe you can't help, but it's still nice to ask.

I can see how it might sound pretentious, depending on the way you say it, but I think most people would appreciate the offer, even if there's nothing you can do to help...

What do others think?

And thanks for commenting!

I think you are right. For the most part it is a good approach and even in the times that it would not be the best word choice it is still passive enough that problems are unlikely.

I think that all to often I shy away from asking such a simple and direct question because I think it might be taken incorrectly. As a result I am sure I have missed some good opportunities. I will give it a shot next time.

Thanks

Depending on the situation, I also like to ask "How may I help you?" as the word "may" can indicate that I view helping them is a priviledge.

Gosh I love semantics. Ben, I fully get what you're saying. It's all in the approach. And the approach needs to be tailored to each situation.

I fully agree with your overall message. After all, haven't we all heard that we give to receive?

Mark - if you do give it a try, let me know what happens, good or bad (but hopefully good!)

Lorna - using the word "may" is a nice twist. But it also gives the impression of serving at a restaurant, which isn't what you're doing (not that there's anything wrong with that.) You're asking because you DO bring certain talents to the table and you want to offer those openly.

Dawud - Thanks for stopping by and commenting, it's appreciated. Yes, the approach needs to be tailored. And certainly I wouldn't start a conversation with this question. But it's a good way to *really get into networking* and not just beat around the bushes.

Testing comment subscriptions.

I get it. I sometimes find myself beating around the bush. So I'm glad you said that. It will remind me to think about this as I'm building relationships with bloggers.

I think you're already helping a lot of us out by having this challenge. Really great ideas Ben. I'm enjoying the series. Keep 'em coming!

Thanks Yu - glad you're enjoying the posts on networking and buzz marketing.

Oh Beautifully succinct Ben!
And to answer your question, for the moment you can help me by keeping on writing this blog the way you are. I'm a newish visitor despite hearing your name around the traps for a while, but am enjoying everything I read.

Hi Ben - I'm going to take you literally! You can help me by referring any professional speakers, business or life coaches, and independent consultants you know who are overwhelmed with administrative and marketing details. Anyone who has to be out there "doing" business and would benefit from having a go-to person behind the scenes "taking care" of business.

You can find out all about my virtual assistance services and how to contact me at www.AdayVA.com. I can also provide great client references.

So send folks my way!

Now, how can I help you? - Denise

Thanks for your concise and helpful post. Reminds me of a question suggested by the writer of a book on networking. I think the question was: "how will I know if someone I'm talking to is a good prospect for you?" I guess this is not quite the same thing as "how can I help you?" Or is it?

Hello Ben,

I agree with you completely, and here's why: Let me tell you a quick story of what just happened to me.

I'm in the accelerated debt payoff business - I teach people how to pay off all their debts with no increase in income and no additional money out of their pockets. So I got an email from a banker who wanted to connect in a networking group I belong to. I called him back and asked him that question - "What can I do for you?" He said "I'm not sure there IS anything you can do for me. I'm in the mortgage business, and you seem to work with mortgages, so I thought I could help YOU. Why do you think you can help me?" Like I was being pretentious, right? heh heh heh

Well, he asked, so I explained, and within 20 minutes, I had knocked his socks off. But it all started with that "pretentious" question. For Mark, if you KNOW that what you have is appropriate to increase the quality of someone's life, it's your RESPONSIBILITY to ask that question, or you're depriving your future friends and doing them a disservice.

Just my own opinion, and I could be wrong. But it hasn't failed me yet.
:)

I think you are totally right. That is a good example. So I guess I think a problem occurs when you do not actually have something solid to offer. I think despite the situation there is usually something you can offer someone however it can be hard to work out what it is in a 20 minute conversation. Perhaps that is part of my problem, I do not know what I need to offer a given person.

Chichi, I read that book. The book was Endless Referrals. That wasn't the only great question/suggestion in there. I think the point of either the "How can I help you?" question and Chichi's example is not so much actually being able to help the person initially, but more about how to help them build up their business, which would cause some people to want to return the favor. Obviously, if you're in a networking group, the point of the group is to generate leads for each other, so that everyone helps everyone else increase revenue for their own business. Like Roland, this is just my opinion.

Thanks for all the great points folks!

Roland - that's a great story, congratz on knocking that guys socks off.

Mark - if someone doesn't have something great to offer, they're in trouble no matter what they do. They probably shouldn't be networking at all...

Ben,

I agree. I think perhaps what I mean is more that one may not know the service they intend to offer to a specific client.

Hey Mark- I hear ya, makes sense. But the question "How can I help you?" doesn't always mean, "What can I sell you?" In fact, it should rarely mean that I think. There are so many ways 1 person can help another...

In fact, you might not even have ANY services to offer at all and still bring tons of value with that question.

I don't think you are supose to come right out and ask " How can I help you " Literly to the other person. I think you should look at this as being in the back of your mind, then moving followed by the question.

Levell - I think you definitely SHOULD ask this question. If you don't ask, you can't possibly get the answer. If you don't ask, you can't possibly get the other person thinking about how you could help, and coming to you later with ideas.

You're reaching out and saying, "I want to help. I'm here, whenever you need me."

It's a great networking tool. Some might think it's condescending, but I've never had that happen.

You might want to re-phrase the question -- "Is there something I can do to help you guys out?" or "What are you looking for help with right now?" But the concept is the same...

Thanks for stopping by and giving us your thoughts!

A company I used to work for was really into the mutual benefit of any interaction or transaction, and really this is what networking is about is it not? Your question might be seen as just an attempt to disguise the fact that you are really there to get something from them!

Your thoughts?

Mike - networking is 100% about mutual benefit of interacting ... but I don't see how my question would seem like an attempted disguise to anything.

If I ask, "is there any way I can help you?" it's because I'm curious if there's any way I can help you.

The flip side is that I hope you'll ask me too - which provides mutual benefit.

I wouldn't ask the question if I didn't mean it. What if you get a response like, "I need X, Y, Z...oh and A, B and C too. Think you can help?" You're going to look like a putz if you say, "Um...no. I didn't think you really would need my help at all!"

@Ben - Good point, I guess its a personality thing. Culturally, Australians cringe at forward sales techniques, maybe that's what the statement seems like to me.

You're right - If you are going to ask it, you'd better have a good answer!

Mike - I am Australian too. Perhaps that is the cause of my hesitance to this technique too.

Ben - I think re-phrasing the question — “Is there something I can do to help you guys out?” or “What are you looking for help with right now?” is much better. I like that!

Guys - I'm Canadian and we've got to be wimpier than Australians! *chuckle*

And I don't look at this as a forward sales technique at all. I'm not trying to sell you anything - I'm trying to help you succeed.

More often than not I think the answer is, "I really need a great X." X being some sort of resource - a designer, etc. - and through your own network you can connect the people together.

I'm not asking, "How can I help you?" ... and then trying to sell. I'm genuinely seeing if my expertise, contacts, etc. can be of use.

Levell -- rephrasing works, absolutely. I think the first way of rephrasing it works nicely - hopefully it keeps the focus on helping and not selling, enough so that people don't feel you're being brash or forward.

Ha! I've *just* moved to canada! People here are much more forward with sales type stuff.

Good discussion, it's made me think about how I can better network, particularly in a new town in a new country.

urbanmike - where'd you move? You're not in Montreal are you!?!?

Nope - I've moved to Castlegar, BC...
http://maps.google.com/?q=Castlegar,+BC,+Canada

Just moved here 2 weeks ago, working as a Design and Project Manager for a Civil Engineering Firm.

urbanmike - too bad. If you're ever in Montreal, give me a holler.

I just read the exchange with Mark Whiting. Would phrasing the question something like, "Is there anything I can do for you?" be more palatable? I was recently at a spiritual retreat. A guy was introduced to me, and the first thing he did was say, "So, how can I help you?" The question actually sruck me as inappropriate being asked right off the bat.

Stuart,

I think your suggested approach is quite a bit easier to handle. I also think that when it comes down to it, the idea of the approach should be aggressive but if in practice it can also be made personable, it will ensure a better response.

Guys - thanks for keeping the discussion going. No matter what words you use to ask the question, the way in which you ask it is key.

If I ask, "So, how can I help?" and I'm sitting in your face with my sales presentation - that's bad. If I ask it casually, while we're drinking beers at a pub, that's good. Both the question and the beers...