How-To Start a Company and Family at the Same Time

by Ben Yoskovitz

Work-life balance is a topic of constant debate. Can you achieve it? Does it exist? What’s it all mean?

Wendy Piersall is asking those very questions. This time she’s asking dads for their input. Certainly, this is a topic of much debate and difficulty for moms. But dads get less attention. It’s assumed that dads will exist more on the work side than the life side. There’s no question, we do.

Yet, I know more and more fathers unwilling to sacrifice the life-side of the equation. They want to be there for their families, they don’t want to be married to their work. It’s tough. Lots of expectations weigh on our shoulders.

So when asked the question, “How do you balance work and life?” I reflect on my current situation - starting Standout Jobs at the same time that I’m raising a young family. Here’s what I’ve got:

You work hard.

weightlifter

Really, really hard.

strong man

Sometimes you win.

tour de france

Sometimes you don’t.

bicycle race crash

You live on a roller coaster.

rollercoaster

Each day you go to battle…

soldiers

And hold on for dear life.

cliff climbing

But you love every minute of it.

And that’s the secret. That’s how you start a company and a family at the same time.

Love your family. Love what you do.

Beyond the love and passion you have for your family and your business, here are some additional things to think about:

  1. Every day, try and move things forward, even just a little bit. Think chess. Granted, your life is more like chess on speed…
  2. Spend time with your kids. As a dad, I like to do those things my wife isn’t fond of, to complement the many talents she brings to the game. Kick a ball. Roughhouse. It can be simple, your kids will love the time.
  3. Don’t take things too seriously. I would never de-value the importance of your business; but it’s not worth sacrificing your life for.
  4. Date your wife.
  5. Become a master of productivity.
  6. Realize that no situation lasts forever. Your child might be having trouble sleeping - that’s OK, it won’t last forever. You need to spend more hours working to get your business going - that’s OK, you can balance it later. As grim as any situation might look, remember that it won’t last.
  7. Develop a routine. This is perhaps the most important thing you can do - for yourself and your family. Kids thrive on routine. It sets good expectations for how things ought to be. It won’t be perfect, but it will help tremendously if you can setup a routine that’s manageable. Squeeze the chaos just a little bit.

Images from Flickr: jsems, pete90291, olive le basque_64, ed from ohio, soldiersmediacenter, dru!

July 11th, 2007
More in Personal Development, Startups
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  • Mat
    Nice post Ben. I don't know how you do it. I don't yet have kids and can barely find time to prepare a bowl of cereal for dinner most nights ;) *slight* exaggeration
  • ben, you are a great story teller.

    and you are doing a great work too, which all entrepreneurs here can inspire to.
  • What a great post - that's got to be one of my favorite posts you've ever written! :) THANKS so much!!!!!
  • It does make sense and it's inspiring. Thanks.
  • Nice one! I so needed these reminders this morning I particularly like number 4. :) No surprise there! I agree, very strongly, with number 7. We all have way too much on our minds these days to give up the ability to switch into auto-pilot now and then. A good routine helps with that. I like auto-pilot! Thanks, Ben -- perfect post and perfect timing!
  • Ben, this is a very nice post and you have some great tips there for a healthy work-life balance. I love the story with the pictures as well!
  • Thanks for the helpful pointers -- equally useful for the chicks too :-) Story well told, too.
  • Great post, Ben. A great post. I can relate, with a 3-year old son and 15-month old daughter at home.

    I really like how you note the importance of dating your wife. I think that's a key point if you want her support as you go about work and play with the kids. Don't forget to leave time for your wife, man.

    If I didn't say it enough already: great post.
  • Great post! Everything you say rings true.

    I'm in the same boat - there is so much I want to be doing on the work side of things, but I have to balance it with having a young family. I've come to accept that things will have to happen more slowly now (as you say like chess).

    The thing that gets me is that I'm in my mid-30s now. Ten years ago I had more time up my sleeve than I can even dream of now, but what did I do? Wasted it all...
  • Geoffrey
    One issue with what you said: just working extra hours, assuming that the hours will drop away, is not going to work. I know plenty of folks who get in the habit of working long hours, and never get out of the habit. However, if you decide on a hard deadline after which you will work normal hours, you'll have better luck.

    I also agree with Stephen about wondering what I did with all my time when I was young and single. I has a friend who said that we are all just killing time until we get a family.

    And, Mark Goren, I have a 3 year old son and a 13 month old daughter. Crazy, huh?

    And, yes, great post. No one goes to their child's high school graduation saying, "Geez, why'd I spend all my time with my child when I could have been working?"

    As for what I do: I'm the morning crew. It gives my wife one extra hour of sleep, and I do the breakfasts.

    I heard a very wise man (83 years old) once say, As a general rule, be home for dinner. I hold that one pretty tightly.
  • Geoffrey - You can always work tons of hours, I agree. And once you get into that habit it's hard to get out. The key for me is that you have to be working those hours for a reason, not to "keep busy."

    I'm launching Standout Jobs in the Fall - so everything is focused on accomplishing that goal. It's a hard deadline. Of course, it doesn't mean I'll be working a ton less after that, but I can re-balance and re-evaluate at that point.

    Thank you for everyone's comments so far!
  • This is a great reminder to me why I wanted to start my own business. I want to be able to work from home and spend time with my family. It can be done, but it does take a lot of work on both sides. You can't work on the business without working on your family relationships as well.
  • Darrell - Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

    I do think, no matter what, when starting a business, sacrifices have to be made. Those are often on the shoulders of your family. The hope is that they're temporary sacrifices and your family can support you in making them, but it's certainly not easy.
  • Ben:
    Great stuff. I really like the visuals -- how true! And especially love the advice. Keeping the balance and moving everything forward.

    This post is an inspiration.
    thanks,
    Chris
  • I don't have a kids and a wife yet but is so hard sometimes to do all the things I want to do. Hanging around with a few friends I got left, doing something with my girlfriend and also see my parents and relatives. Sometimes it feel like giving up but somehow, I don't. Maybe is just human nature or is it because we don't have a choice but to go on. Who knows..
  • @Jumpions: People struggle on for all sorts of reasons - pride, guts, glory, money ... I think we're intrinsically strong ... stronger than we probably realize as well. Best of luck.
  • My very first real business started out of necessity, when I had to quit my day job to watch our baby while my wife was in medical school. Finding the right balance is always tough, but it's a lot easier to do when you have the flexibility of being your own boss
    -Rob
  • I just recently found your blog and you and it are inspiring. I especially like this post though because it rings close to home. First and foremost I'm a husband and a father, but I'm also an entrepreneur. While previously fully employed I had a harder time with the work life balance, but now I don't.

    I agree with what you said, but also believe that working "really" hard needs to be clarified as not working "really" long. When you are working on your business you make every second count. You carefully measure the value of each task, and low return tasks are generally not worth doing. I know that the legacy I live with my kids will long outlive the legacy I leave with my business, but that my legacy with them can be directly affected by the success of my business. It is knowing that that makes me work to ensure my business is successful.

    I don't think my business model would work for everyone, but it has worked so far for me. If you can find a niche where you offer a very high value service that exceeds what most of the competition can offer, you can charge a lot more for that service or product. You won't get as much business as some of the competition, but you won't have to. This allows you to be more selective about your work (which can be harder than you think), and you spend more time working on what you want to work on.

    I see too many business startups trying to meet the needs of everyone. To be successful in that market you have to open a grocery store and work really hard for really long.
  • @Rob and Kevin -- thanks guys, for the comments. Much appreciated.
  • Great post. My window cleaning company has been dominating almost all of my spare time. Almost 75 hours a week. I need to follow your 3 rule... Date my wife!
  • Tom
    Hey there. Sooo true. 16 months ago I started POKE (www.pokenewyork.com) the exact same day my son was born. Have him and my wonderful wife in my life has made it quite and interesting roller coaster - but the funny thing is - I have more perspective on what is the REAL priority than ever before.

    I also used to be that type of person who jumped in and "did" everything. This new world has taught me to let go of what isn't important and hire people that are smarter than me :P to solve problems.

    Jump in and do it. It works!

    /t

    tom (at) http://www.madewithcomputers.com
  • I do like this post, I think the most important thing is to schedule that you are happy with so you can fit in everything you want but are happy with it as well
  • I hope this post isnt true as I have just started my own business and I have a family too! I think am gonna need help along the way but I am confident
  • Great post. Indeed men are facing a new age crisis of their own . It is sad our society tends to downplay the importance of men not only as providers , but also as care-takers ( fathers, husbands, sons etc.) While women had their emancipation , and jumped to the job market, leaving stoves and husbands behind, men got stuck with a double load. It might just be my opinion, but i truly believe that a lot of pressure is being put on the men of the 21st century. Your post is inspirational and motivational and gives men that extra thumbs up.Hang in there guys :)
  • madhusudhan
    Dear sir, this is madhusudhan from india having a dream to be an entrepreneur in BPO industry. Could you please tell me what steps i should take to go ahead of this dream?
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