Do a Better Job of Giving Constructive Criticism
Most people say they’re OK receiving constructive criticism. But few people really are. Criticism of any kind hurts. Even if it’s done properly.
When someone reacts poorly to constructive criticism, they usually:
- Get angry.
- Get defensive.
- Get quiet and tune out.
It’s not quite Kubler-Ross’s 5 stages of grief, but there’s a pattern there. The key for the person giving the constructive criticism is to be prepared with these responses:
- “I understand.” Don’t respond to anger, defensiveness and quietness with the same emotions. Keeping an even keel and expressing your understanding is important. Bring things back to the key points of behavior that are problematic.
- “So what you’re saying…” A well-practiced technique in communication is to repeat what someone has said, in summary form. It makes people truly feel like you’re listening. (Hopefully you are listening.)
- “It’s not you, it’s me.” I’m kidding. Don’t say that.
- “We can work together on this.” Wow, that’s almost “it’s not you, it’s me” but not quite. Constructive criticism is useless without focusing on solutions. You can’t provide criticism and then say, “off you go, figure it out.” Make it a “we” task not a “you” task.
Sometimes, there’s nothing you can say to make the situation better. It may be time for a break. Suggest a follow-up meeting, providing each person a chance to reflect, and figure out how the constructive criticism will be handled.
Lol good post.I am very open to criticism and had been for some of my speeling mistakes.Helped to learn and i really didnt mind it at all.
I would say “Thx for correcting me.I will fix it and please keep on giving your feedback”
I think taking a break should be no. 5 because it’s as important as the other points. It’ll give the other person and yourself a time to just take it in.
A second point is, while you’re sticking to the technique, it’s important that your demeanor and body language doesn’t come off as offensive. You have to really want to work with the person.
Yu - you’re right. #5 should be taking a break. I could have very easily started it:
#5 “Let’s take a break.” …
There’s a basic rule to critique- start positive, get your hands dirty in the middle, and then end on a positive note. This works great with co-workers, employees, students, and kids, not to mention spouses.
Example: “Hey Hon- great job with dinner tonight. It was awesome. I thought you were going to take care of the lawn after work- when do you think you could get to that? Okay, that works for me… and I know that by getting that done we’ll have the whole weekend to spend together, and maybe go to the movies.”
“Hey, kiddo- Great job keeping your stuff organized this week. It seems like you had a problem on on that test- what do you think we should do so you can be better prepared next time? Super- sounds like a plan- let’s go play a few rounds of hoops outside, what do you say?”
Works to help soften bad news, solve the problemorconflict, construct a plan forward, and ending on apositive note let’s people know what to expect going forward.
Works like a charm!
[…] myself…)? Although targeted toward businesses, Ben Yoskovitz at Instigator Blog provides three tips for anyone on how to give feedback in a tough situation. Thanks Ben. Great […]
[…] myself…)? Although targeted toward businesses, Ben Yoskovitz at Instigator Blog provides three tips for anyone on how to give feedback in a tough situation. Thanks Ben. Great […]
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